Act Like You Meant To

I lived with my grandma after college.  She let me paint the room she gave me.  Light blue, sunny yellow, hot pink..yes, it was fun!  She let me paint her dining room.  When I was not pleased with the faux effect I made, ALLOVER, the walls of her dining room, she said, "act like you meant to" do it.  I have remembered that, time and again, as I muddle through life and its ups and downs.  So, here's the latest but this time, I'm sharing my secret or maybe, it didn't hit the mark.  What do you think?  I still think it's cool.

My favorite solid black jersey maternity/nursing sundress got a wee smudge of Soft Scrub with bleach on it.  It had a reddish spot right on the bandeau top = very obvious.  But, I love, love, love my favorite summer black nursing dress.  I wore it a lot last summer during maternity and am loving it again in this Texas heat.  I likely won't wear it another summer as it is getting kinda faded anyway but still have some life.  I hated to toss it, so what did I do?  I have acted like I meant to do it...allover it!

from black to...



flower bursts?  blobs?  I don't know but, I like it. Next time, if there is one!, I will try to make it look more haphazard.  This looks a bit too, uh...deliberate.  I later added larger swirls for some diversity but forgot to take a pic!



that's a little grass on it but you can see up close here

tried to make the hemline more mottled with design

I have'nt painted in this painterly way in, well, a long, long time.  I just loaded up a spray bottle, half straight Chlorox bleach and half water and sprayed away.  That was fun.

Remembering her

My Dad's older sister and husband (parents of six) with Tess at 14 days old, January 2009.

And the same visit, my grandmother having a good day and smiling at age 96 with my daughter. What a pleasure for me to introduce them that day. Since that day, grandma became a great-great grandma January 2010 with baby Anne Elise whom she also met before her fall. I should say, these babies got to meet her.

As I mentioned here, my grandmother was not doing well in this life. She was suffering. She bound for heaven home on April 21st and we celebrated her life with the big family reunion I knew it would be for the visitation at the funeral home on Friday, April 23rd and then the High Mass at Holy Rosary Catholic Church downtown. The burial at Forest Lawn next to my grandpa's grave was on Saturday, a gorgeous spring day, on the 24th.

At the visitation, Win was curious to see her and before I knew it, he did a chin up on the casket to see his great grandma. I was temporarily mortified and very thankful it did not even rock the pall, as it is called. My surprise gave way to a smile as I know it would have made her smile too to have seen someone shake things up a bit.

My six cousin's, my sister and I and families were there. My cousin's have 22 grown children, and mine and my sister's makes 27 total great grandchildren. So all the cousin's and spouse's were there. There were others...cousin's by marriage and first cousins once removed, etc. My grandmother's "baby" brother Charles and sister, Mabel were there both escorted by their children, grandma's nieces, and spouses as well as some of their children. My Dad's old friends and friend's of my aunt and uncle attended. And one dear old friend that Grandma knew when she was very young, around age 20 or so, when she was in nursing school. Her name is Rack Shear. I recall many stories, although not very specifically ( I should have written them down! )about Hooks and Rack..yes, those were their names...I am not even sure if those are nicknames or not. Even my college roommate of three years turned up after the visitation to say hello.

I have cried a few times. Mostly remembering her when she was more vibrant. Remembering small little things you think about when you live with someone. Things that my pastor calls the 'fragrance of memories'. I count myself fortunate to have a bounteous bouquet of memories. Sometimes I have cried just recalling what a pain in the rear end I was in my young twenties when I lived with her and she was in her eighties. The woman and mother I am now would have been more considerate of her feelings I think. I was young. I have to believe she long ago forgave and forgot those times. There are so many of her things here at my house that it is easy to remember her often. I was making the guest room bed, which was in my grandparents house and now is ours, and realized how many times I had seen her make her bed up with the same matelasse coverlet day in and day out. I think that is when I solidified my need to make the bed daily...I almost cannot go forward to anything in the morning if the beds are not made!

I recall one story and I think it was about herself and Rack. She remembered 'writing' each other's names on their backs with masking tape so when they got a tan/sunburn, they would have their name on their back. I can still see and hear her facial expressions and tone of her voice when she would recall her own memories like that one. Fragrance of memories.

The day after the funeral, my family took a much anticipated and pre-planned vacation to South Padre Island. I remembered her while my mind drifted away with the sound of ocean waves and the sea breeze. Wish I could go on knowing her here now. I have missed her for years but now all is complete until I see her again. Until then, I will enjoy remembering her.

my heart is heavy

My grandmother is on her deathbed. We just celebrated her birthday. On a spring day about 3 weeks ago, she stumbled reaching to a knock out rose..I assume to get a closer look and enjoy the fragrance. The gate hit her and although I was not there, I know it was awful. She hit her head pretty hard but worst of all, she broke her femur just below her pelvic bones. Oh goodness..the pain. She has hung on well with surgery, a steel plate and two pins/screws.

When I went to visit her, it was important for me to show her my knitting coming along which is almost finished...a little sundress for my baby girl. Grandma introduced me to knitting over 10 years ago. I have picked it up once before and now again, last fall, I picked it up again and I love it and am sticking with it and planning projects. There is so much she has shared and taught me. Food/cooking, sewing, knitting, laughing at myself, having a routine and being consistent. I will enumerate those things in time here so I don't forget them.

I will miss her and look forward to seeing her again in heaven home. God's will be done. I think of her constantly these hours.